Adam Blatner

Words and Images from the Mind of Adam Blatner

An Exercise of Interpersonal Power

Originally posted on September 6, 2012

Here’s a way to discover how powerful you can be: Think of someone you know; and then, having thus thought, call that person and say, “Hi, I was thinking about you.” For a little extra credit, when you do think of that person, focus on some little thing they did, or that you did together, or something they played with, etc. And then when you call, say, “…and I was remembering that…” and end the sentence with what you thought of.

There are other things you can say, but that’s for another time. This will blow their mind (in a good way)! This is because many folks forget that anyone knows that they exist, much less cares. To exist in the mind of another is to be more vividly present in the world; one’s intuitive sense of self gets larger. It can be especially powerful if the person called is feeling any level of meaninglessness, depression, or uncertainty.

It’s a truly spiritual act, too, because it offers a simple and powerful way to carry out a sacred commandment: “Love one another.” Yeah, okay, but how? Here’s one very powerful way. Now if you don’t yet “get” how powerful it is, imagine this: Just now that person called you, out of the blue, and said to you, “Hi, I’ve just been thinking about you.” Wow! (In psychodrama or therapeutic role playing, that imagination technique is called “role reversal.”) Most folks doing this realize what an impact it makes, recognizing that you are in someone else’s consciousness.

Continue the fantasy: Imagine them then saying, “Yeah, I’m remembering how you (and here fill in some shared memory, maybe an almost inconsequential bit, some fragment, a walk you took, a funny observation you made), and, I dunno, it rang a bell with some stuff happening in my life, and I thought I’d call and say thanks”, or “…how much I love you.”

Whoa! That would keep you up and tingling for an hour, for a day, maybe for a couple of days. It’s stronger than any drug you could take. That person’s love lifted (even) you! Wow! That’s power, my friend.

Now, wake up just a bit and realize that even though that person did not in fact call you and say those moving things, you could call her and say what you imagined, maybe even a bit more smoothly because you’ve rehearsed it once or twice just now. The point is, you have immense power.

We have little appreciation how lonely people are in this postmodern, fragmented world. Even those with a lovely family—but the family is under several kinds of pressures:
  – continual distraction by addicto-genic movies, television, computer games, computer books
  – continual pressure to do more, community involvements, time demanding clubs, and factor in also the time it takes to drive their, don the uniform, shower afterwards, whatever…
  – the “culture of maximal discontent,” meaning that whatever you do, there is a background industry suggesting that you haven’t been ambitious enough, striven enough, tried hard enough
… and so forth. So being thought about is powerful.

I think the ol’ “reach out and touch someone” really happens only one/hundredth of the amount that’s needed. You can be an ant touching antennas, greeting, making that little social connection that expands the individual’s identity by 25% or more. “Wow, I’m not just a lonely no-‘count loser, somebody knows me!” We should not underestimate the general level of alienation, the need for 50% or more greater numbers and quality of “strokes” happening in the interpersonal field. Yes, reach out and touch someone. Discover and learn how very powerful you can be in this way.

One Response to “An Exercise of Interpersonal Power”

  • Christine says:

    Hi, Mr.Blatner–I just came upon your site and wanted to thank you for taking the time share your knowledge. I was looking up Mandelas and was shocked to see how they relate to spiritually– which is something of a journey I am learning about for the past year.
    Really like how you hit it all on the head with the soul lessons. Patience! and Self-love…and how “realizing that too much humility can be a subtle form of indirect false pride or defense against disappointment”…. and the part about FAITH…. I had to journal that one down, too. Never thought of faith as something one already possessed but which had to be continually done. I thought it was something I had to have more of (without really knowing how to get more of it) and then when you said “Faith is a more genuine, psychological action of moving the mind towards kindness, positivity, love, responsibility, renewed courage….” Wow….I did not realize that IS what Faith is. Thank you for articulating that.
    I am learning about recognizing or paying more attention to totems which our guides and You-Know-Who ( up there) gives us.

    The other day, I was wondering to myself if it is better to be kind because it takes effort and energy on our part and whether or not people appreciate it or recognize it in these days of self-entitlement.

    I have been going to a community event in the Black Rock Desert for 16 years (BurningMan) and this year could not obtain any tickets for my better half and myself because the event has gone mainstream and viral on the internet and was sold out. After a month of looking, I spotted an ad on Craigslist late last night from someone who could no longer go and whom was selling two tickets because the rest of his camp could not obtain said tickets. The ad said the first person to arrive at his place of work with good karma and the asking sum would get it. There were ten or so people who had already arrived before me and were waiting for the business to open. The seller turned out to be an acquaintance friend whom my bf and I had given tickets to for two years in a row for the same event in 2011 and 2012 when that person couldn’t find tickets.

    I learned today that kindness or maybe karma does come back. When you least expect it because there was no expectation!

    Wishing you all the best things in life! LOVE, Beauty, Relationships, LIFE 🙂

    With warmth,


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