Adam Blatner

I’ve become increasingly aware that I’m only part-way between me and not-me. There are parts of me that are spontaneous, and realistically speaking I should not take credit for these parts or their products. I’m tempted to say, like Jack Horner in the nursery rhyme, “Oh, what a good boy am I!” But a couple of moment’s reflection shows me that much of what “I” do isn’t done by my working out the words—either in writing or speaking.

Oh, indeed, I have the illusion that I do it, but then again I have that illusion in dreams, too! I know often I didn’t plan to do whatever I get credit for—amusing, clever, etc. (For that matter I get blamed or forgiven for things again which I don’t plan.)  Innumerable are the behaviors that are mine—only in that they’re no one else’s—but again I didn’t try to do either wonderful, bright, or foolish things.

Then who? Well, there are many physiological functions that I hardly do, or only partially do— but rather are done “automatically” by my higher—or lower—self. Who is this “self” that takes credit for what I haven’t planned or consciously done—but wants to avoid blame for some other things with the same provenance.

The point is that there are dimensions of “self” (in quotations) that are hardly self. Some are instinctive, automatic, built-in or learned early, un-willed. That building-in may come from higher or wiser self than ever we ourselves could do. Other abilities may arise more from “higher” dimensions. The real point is that it’s not from that part of ourselves that we associate with “our will.”  It’s also more than mere “habit” born of practice. There may be parts of “us” which are significantly “greater” than us! Whoa!