Adam Blatner

Here’s a weird actual spam and my playful (imagined) response. My son David says the sender’s misspellings are maybe intentional to get past spam filters, but the incongruity of the message amused me:
Subject: Bcahelors, Matsers, , PhD can be yours in 4 weeks if you qualify. affordable business hosting plan web service.   From (deleted), date. The rest is what they wrote
Hurroo ! Adam
  Add Dotcorate, Matsers or Bacheolrs Dergees to your resume in just 4-6 weeks and open avenues to promotion and better jobs! Diploma from prestigious non-accredited universities based on your present knowledge & professional experience. No time wasted!. No books! Obtain a Dergee!
    Think of it, within four to six weeks, you too could be a clolege graduate. Many people share the same frustration, they are doing the work of the person that has the degree and the person that has the degree is getting all the money. Give us a call NOW! [And phone number given]
We will get back to you ASAP   Do Not Reply to this Email.   We do not reply to text inquiries, and our server will reject all response traffic. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. – – – –
My imagined response: (I didn’t send it because of above, and I’m not calling.)  But what if:

Dear Uvinercity skool diploma-giving people,
I am nneeding a dergree diplma for getting many jobs , but mi speling is not the good. Ur clolege seems to allow for that tiny problm.  Please mak my diploma say:
Diplma of Good Mind
(name of uvenursity) grants to (my name)
Credit for graduating with all skills needed for god job doing.
Seriously, we are offishul, guaranteed make smart.
signed (your name signture headmaster.)
I know this will help people be impressed, hire and pay much money.

Then I cn manage mi oen unversity and make diplmsa too, eh?

Am I wrong to have an uneasy feeling that 24% of people in various seemingly professional or significant business positions have degrees or diplomas that range from the sleaziest of diploma mills like the one below to other kluged-together programs that would be considered by many to significantly lack rigor? Anyway, the khutzpah of this spam was amusing.