Adam Blatner

Hollow-weenie -eeeeee is coming! Let’s all pretend to be scared: Eeee! Now let’s all pretend to be scary: Booooo! Unless you’re suffering from PTSD, both are sort-of fun, lifting us out of our humdrum civilized life, jolting us back with a mild energizing thrill into a simulacrum of what it might have been like for our very primitive very very distant ancestors.

A certain amount of dust, parasites, and stimulation to our immune system keeps it toned up. Say, 5%. Too much is overwhelming, sure, but there’s such a thing as too little, which makes it flabby and susceptible to autoimmune disorders. It’s as if the “outside world” doesn’t do it, you’ll do it to yourself. What if the same is true of the mind? Too much civilization, too little fear—only just a little is needed—and you get flabby. So you dabble in the scary, in roller coasters, in risk-taking, adventure.

Maybe the elders like me don’t need to do this so much. Peace and quiet. Of course I recognize and maybe get enough of a thrill by recognizing that I’m not a lot less mortal than many others. Meaning that I have 100% chance of dying, it’s just a matter of when. Pretty scary, huh? Wait, what? I’m gonna DIE? Aaarrrrrrgggggghhhh! Hollow-Weenie Greetinks! Nyah ha ha ha haaaa.