I confess that I think that if people could use just a few techniques developed originally in psychodrama, it would indeed change the world! Let\u2019s not argue yet; consider first some of the following:<\/p>\n
Admit Ambivalence <\/strong><\/p>\n People will not only seem more authentic to others, but will be able to work with mixed feelings or conflicting thoughts more actively if they don\u2019t feel obliged to choose prematurely. So I imagine in a potential conflict or ambiguous situation, a person says something like, \u201cPart of me feels (or thinks) ….xxx…, while there\u2019s this other part of me that feels \/ thinks …yyyy. And there\u2019s even a third part that thinks …qqqq. And I confess I am unsure which to choose or how to integrate them. I could use your input.\u201d If people readily opened to having conflicting viewpoints or desires, needs or concerns, it could make working out problems less like an argument and more like a joint problem-solving process.<\/p>\n Invite Imaginative Scenarios<\/strong> <\/p>\n I imagine people saying, \u201cOkay, I want to be your friend, but I don\u2019t know what to say. Help me out. What would be the most helpful thing for me to do or say?\u201d or \u201cPicture the best response I could make as if it were a scene in your imagination.\u201d Often what the other person asks for is something that the speaker is most ready to give, but he didn\u2019t know exactly how to phrase it.<\/p>\n A variation would be to ask openly, \u201cWhat present could I get you that you really want?\u201d This cuts through is the insane usually unconscious and fairly common fantasy that, \u201cIf you really loved me you\u2019d know what I want and I wouldn\u2019t have to either think about it (lazy) or let my guard down and be vulnerable by admitting what I wanted (defensive).\u201d And at another level, also common, is this unspoken attitude: \u201cOf course since only very rarely do I get exactly what I want without saying what it is precisely, I get to feel hurt, that folks don\u2019t care, don\u2019t understand, and that frees me up to maintain my safe defensiveness: \u201cSee, you didn\u2019t really really love me enough to read my subconscious mind.\u201d Alas, this tragically unnecessary dynamic is still prevalent and people generally don\u2019t even know they\u2019re feeling-doing it to each other. This also implies that a person is aware that s\/he may not deliver a message or ask a question with so it\u2019s taken the way it is intended. So if the other person doesn\u2019t respond positively, the first person asks if the previous comment may be tried again, said or asked differently. It\u2019s an admission of slight vulnerability, as if one isn\u2019t sure that what is done will work perfectly. <\/p>\n In fact, our first attempt to communicate understanding or concern or offer some constructive response often is not exactly what the other person wants to hear. Sometimes it\u2019s just in the look or tone of voice, or wording. They don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong. So the person who notices a slight friction or disconnect can comment on this and ask if it might be tried again differently. The request suggests, first, that relationship and the feelings of the person to whom the comment was addressed are more important than what was said. Second, there\u2019s an element of willingness to say things differently—folks don\u2019t expect that. It\u2019s an admission of slight vulnerability, but that empowers the person being spoken to. There\u2019s also a very subtle hint at playfulness—not frivolity so much as flexibility. An element of the rehearsal dynamic in theatre is introduced: \u201cLet me try saying it a couple of ways… and you tell me which works better.\u201d (Inserting choices as role plays). Or, if something doesn\u2019t sound right to the other party, the other party says, \u201cThat didn\u2019t feel right. Let\u2019s find another way you might say that (or ask that).\u201d <\/p>\n A variation is when something is said, the other person scowls rather than smiles appreciatively. The first person says, \u201cHm, that didn\u2019t come out right. Please may I take it over?\u201d The key point is that if you ask nicely and as a matter of fact, you\u2019re making yourself vulnerable and admitting that communications are a little difficult for you. Well, truth is they\u2019re difficult for everyone, but you need not say that. So by shifting into a context or frame where you can try again you are making the words slightly playful, able to be said differently. This is refreshing and disarming.<\/p>\n Role Reversal<\/strong><\/p>\n What a world-changer it would be if people as they felt themselves getting into a disagreement would pull back and say, \u201cHelp me see your point of view.\u201d They might continue: \u201cOkay, I\u2019ll warm up to being you and you be the coach so that I finally get it right. Let me make some mistakes and you correct me without becoming impatient. Know that I\u2019m trying. We\u2019ll get there together.\u201d What is implied is, \u201cWhen I can see your viewpoint in a way that you feel that I\u2019ve really tried to look, not to win, not to mock, but to understand, I\u2019ll be less defensive and more ready to negotiate.\u201d<\/p>\n In my best dreams I imagine the other people\u2014a romantic partner, spouse, family member, friend, respond, \u201cSay, would you teach me to do that technique\u2014what do you call it? Role reversal? Yeah, let\u2019s do that together. Now you\u2019ve done it for me, I want to see your viewpoint, too.\u201d <\/p>\n Summary<\/strong><\/p>\n This is just a tiny edge of all the ways people could use a touch of the drama to lubricate relationships. Just knowing that there are these techniques, that they\u2019re possible, changes everything!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I confess that I think that if people could use just a few techniques developed originally in psychodrama, it would indeed change the world! Let\u2019s not argue yet; consider first some of the following: Admit Ambivalence People will not only seem more authentic to others, but will be able to work with mixed feelings or […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25,4,12,32],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-876","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-play-and-spontaneity","category-psychodrama","category-psychotherapy","category-social-depth-psychology-sociometry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/876"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=876"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/876\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":877,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/876\/revisions\/877"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=876"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=876"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=876"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
Asking to Try It Again<\/strong><\/p>\n