{"id":374,"date":"2012-03-04T11:29:07","date_gmt":"2012-03-04T19:29:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/?p=374"},"modified":"2012-03-04T11:29:07","modified_gmt":"2012-03-04T19:29:07","slug":"nurturance-as-a-primary-motive","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/?p=374","title":{"rendered":"Nurturance as a Primary Motive"},"content":{"rendered":"

Freud made sexuality a primary motive; and aggression another deep motive. Today I realized that nurturance is another profound motivating force\u2014quite deep! I was cutting up a plum for my sweetie and realizing that I got a kick out of feeding her the way a momma bird is driven by the nonverbal cues of hunger exhibited by the baby bird\u2019s flapping wings and wide mouth and high-pitched cheep. Indeed, these hunger cues drives her (and sometimes it\u2019s the daddy bird!) to go and get a worm! She\u2019s driven<\/em>! She has got<\/em> to get that worm! (Indeed, we role played baby and mommy bird!) That baby is hungry! And the relief of the parent at \u201cproviding for its family\u201d is like a sexual orgasm. It\u2019s not genital, but it\u2019s something and it brings that much of a relief. <\/p>\n

I considered the need for a man to get feedback that he has indeed provided for his family. We contemplated (Allee and I chat about such things) and became aware of the plight of a minority breadwinner who seeks work and sees majority people being hired\u2014perhaps less experienced or qualified\u2014yet they land the job instead; and this happens over and over again. It can make a guy crazy bitter! (There has been a major continuing prejudice about work that any man can get a job if he\u2019s not too picky. The idea that this is not so is truly swept off the table, marginalized. But the truth is that in many situations, there are in fact no jobs to be had!  Or as I said, only certain races or ethnicities need apply. Or what does it mean that only service jobs manned by teen-agers for \u201chelping\u201d with college or spending money are the kinds of jobs available?) <\/p>\n

But these are spin-off contemplations from the original idea, which is that nurturance should be more clearly recognized as a primary  motive. (And the opposite, frustrations in being able to nurture, to provide, can be deeply demoralizing!) For mothers, the ability to breast-feed a baby, the feeling of sufficiency and nestling into one\u2019s arms in contented sleep, is registered in the mirror-neuron system. And the appreciation by wife and family of a man\u2019s work in providing for his family\u2014that feedback\u2014is similarly gratifying. Or, putting it the other way\u2014having kids not thank you, not acknowledge your work in providing for you\u2014it\u2019s more than stuff for comic strips\u2014it\u2019s truly galling and demoralizing! (Dare I even consider the politically incorrect idea that perhaps a large, perhaps only a small factor that permits adultery is the lack of deep appreciation being shown by a spouse?) <\/p>\n

So, backing off, just contemplating the importance of a little song-chant sung in some Sufi and neo-spiritual dance-rituals: \u201cFrom you I receive; to you I give; together we share: and from this, we live.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Freud made sexuality a primary motive; and aggression another deep motive. Today I realized that nurturance is another profound motivating force\u2014quite deep! I was cutting up a plum for my sweetie and realizing that I got a kick out of feeding her the way a momma bird is driven by the nonverbal cues of hunger […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-374","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-events","category-literacy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/374"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=374"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/374\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=374"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=374"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=374"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}