Teasing can range from mild joshing to outright sadism, really nasty mean. The other extreme has nothing indirect, just people being kind, tactful, appreciative. There\u2019s a good deal of communication that\u2019s in-between.<\/p>\n
Some people feel anxious about being perceived as being \u201csoft\u201d by others. Others are are coarser: they interact by introducing an an edge to their behavior. This ranges from subtle cruelty that\u2019s explained away as \u201cjust kidding\u201d to what lots of people do, joshing, teasing. Now some folks enjoy this kind of play because it offers them an opportunity to tease back, sometimes rather strongly. \u201cHey! Can\u2019t you take it?\u201d<\/p>\n
In fact, though, many people can not \u201ctake it,\u201d can not interpret such styles of communication as defensive and basically friendly. Instead, they get \u201churt\u201d by comments that others might well either brush off or respond to spiritedly. Alas, most of this transaction happens unconsciously. <\/p>\n
Since there\u2019s little discussion about this, I thought I\u2019d mention it: These people can\u2019t brush it off. Their nervous systems are indeed \u201ctoo\u201d sensitive\u201d relative to the mass, but they can\u2019t help it. It\u2019s a matter of temperament, and it\u2019s unconscious. <\/p>\n
Higher status people, kings, will have them cut your head off for what you thought was making a little joke. Lesser status people up to now \u201ctook\u201d it and indeed, felt ashamed of their own being hurt. But now they\u2019re more empowered to resent it and answer back. Don\u2019t think they didn\u2019t respond with sullen acceptance in the past. What\u2019s called \u201cpassive-aggressive\u201d is in part feeling trapped and subjected to the aggressions of others more powerful. It is psychological oppression to feel powerless, and often it\u2019s quite realistic! You don\u2019t \u201canswer back\u201d to slave-masters or elders.<\/p>\n
Teasing generally proceeds from the more-powerful socially, or more secure, to the perceived less-powerful. A common underlying assumption is the pretense that we\u2019re all equal, but we\u2019re not. Some folks who are equal feel one down. Some folks who are even slightly one-up are vulnerable to put-downs. Others respond strongly enough that those who started it shut up. People are exquisitely psychologically sensitive to status, put downs, unconscious struggles for dominance, sensitivity to what might be disrespect from others, insensitive to their own put-downs.<\/p>\n
As our culture becomes more psychologically-minded, aided by \u201csensitivity training,\u201d \u201cencounter groups\u201d cross-cultural awareness training and other forms of consciousness-raising, such transactions rise from the truly unconscious into explicit awareness: \u201cSure, I called him a \u2018kike,\u201d a very nice lady in the Southern USA might have said a half-century ago, truly meaning no harm. \u201cThat\u2019s what he is<\/em>, isn\u2019t he?\u201d She might have had no idea that some of the everyday language of her culture was demeaning. <\/p>\n So, as culture becomes more psychologically minded, people see through the cruel edge of teasing. And as people become more civilized and accustomed to being treated with courtesy, they find themselves losing patience with edgy people from a half-generation to two generations back for whom teasing was just the way things were. Sexual harassment too. It was \u201cjust\u201d kidding, or so folks thought. Intellec-tuals called it \u201cbanter.\u201d Nowadays, most would recognize it as disrespectful.<\/p>\n So that\u2019s yet another way culture is changing. Some hold-outs might complain, \u201cFolks are so sensitive nowadays!\u201d Others would respond, \u201cFolks are finally beginning to get it.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Teasing can range from mild joshing to outright sadism, really nasty mean. The other extreme has nothing indirect, just people being kind, tactful, appreciative. There\u2019s a good deal of communication that\u2019s in-between. Some people feel anxious about being perceived as being \u201csoft\u201d by others. Others are are coarser: they interact by introducing an an edge […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,35,25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2099","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-papers","category-mind-spectrums","category-play-and-spontaneity"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2099"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2099"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2099\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2100,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2099\/revisions\/2100"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2099"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2099"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2099"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}