{"id":136,"date":"2010-12-30T18:44:17","date_gmt":"2010-12-31T02:44:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/?p=136"},"modified":"2010-12-30T18:44:17","modified_gmt":"2010-12-31T02:44:17","slug":"on-understanding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/?p=136","title":{"rendered":"On Understanding"},"content":{"rendered":"

A friend of mine responded to my blog #104<\/a> writing that he wonders about whether anyone can understand another person. The answer is: Partially, yes, if  the goal is that the other person feels understood. The best way to do this is to empathically respond to what is being said and allow oneself to be corrected and try again until there is satisfaction. But that\u2019s only regarding a specific issue. <\/p>\n

In a larger sense, no one can be completely understood, nor can a person completely understand him- or herself. This is because people are tremendously complex,  composed of scores of major and minor roles and role components. (See my webpage articles on individuality<\/a>, for examples, or factors in human development<\/a>). I know it can\u2019t be quantified, but to give some sense of the general proportions involved, I doubt that most people understand themselves more than 50%. Interpersonally, friends may understand the basic intention of a majority of one\u2019s roles, but there are others that many friends don\u2019t know about. Some friends know some facets but not others. <\/p>\n

As for understanding oneself, I\u2019m reminded of Robert Burns\u2019 poetic maxim: \u201cO would some Power the gift to give us \/ To see ourselves as others see us!\u201d   (This was on spying a lowly louse on a fine lady\u2019s bonnet in church, and the poem reminds me of those occasions when I was discovered to have left my fly open. Ah, me.) <\/p>\n

So being a single word, \u201cunderstanding\u201d gives the impression that it is possible; or that a single correct understanding does exist. It denies the nature of interpretation, the complexity of viewpoint. But for words such as understanding, or freedom, or justice, or divinity, the complexity is such that it can never be known. Too many points of view, too many implicit biases. <\/p>\n

As for feeling understood, that also tends to generalized: That is, when one feels understood by someone, there\u2019s a tendency to expect to be understood about other things\u2014but sometimes that won\u2019t happen readily. Really, what happens is a partial \u201cmeeting of minds.\u201d That is, even if she understands me about this category A aspect of myself, I don’t feel known or understood about that category B aspect. Indeed, perhaps I’ve never even told her about Category B or its various sub-aspects; or maybe I have never even admitted this Category B to myself! So as I say, understanding oneself, feeling understood by others, and being actually understood by others\u2014these plus other permutations represent a fairly complex dynamic. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A friend of mine responded to my blog #104 writing that he wonders about whether anyone can understand another person. The answer is: Partially, yes, if  the goal is that the other person feels understood. The best way to do this is to empathically respond to what is being said and allow oneself to be […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,11,12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-136","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-follies","category-literacy","category-psychotherapy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=136"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=136"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=136"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blatner.com\/adam\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=136"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}